certainly, i said to my within, this is not the life i want to live.
it was five o clock in the evening, naree called me up for a tea at cheddis. and as i have almost made it a rule, i accompanied him there.
inside of me, i was in a confused state, i was torn.
the afternoon i had was very harsh on me, for after a long long time i was treated the way i was treated that day. i had compliants. i had complaints against my carefree attitute towards life, why it made me skip my responsibilities. i had complaints against my artificiality, why i could not be more honest to myself, i had complaints against my batchmates also, very unjustified though, why they did the work (:P) well and in time; i had complaints against my professor, he could have been a bit more good in his attitute.
all these complains and my thoughts discussed a lot of things inside of me. i went to a state of relieving my past three years of stay at kgp, three years of stay in architecture. the years that i spent inevitably with thirteen souls( proxies included). where did i falter, where did i made wrong? questions , questions and still more questions.
it is surprising how a small adversary can tilt u upsie down, it was very evident that day that i was tilted upside down. i had become selfish, so much so that i startd blaming everyone else than me for the scene. but the truth finds it way. i was not following my heart, and one who does not follow his heart, fails.....somewhere, if not in grades...in results, if not in job...than satisfaction..., if not in fans...in friends.
i wondered which path i am following, is it the one which i set for myself. or is it just because i was aping someone. i got teh answers, and i discussed those questions and answers with many souls that night, souls....which i think understand me ...even if just a bit. for i know they at least would try and put them in my position and try to see. i spent almost three long hours wid immu and varun at cheddis, later with naree. that when i knew what friends can do to you. what can even one listening ear do to your agonies and pain.i am lucky at least to belive i have some such ears.
and thats just when i knew that life is not just about living. its not about fighting for everything till your last drop of blood, its not just about competition, its something beyond this.....and i am told this by people around me. as i was told to be artificial by people around me......the moral of the story is....i get inspired very easily. shall i be strong? shall i be more hard faced? shall i be a total ` change me however you want to` ;
i have had that time enough, and somehow as varun said that day` ki yaar jindagi asii hi hai , everyone has to be professional` i agree. but then i have a dim hope and maybe dim whim that not everyone is alike. not everyone is as selfish as i am, and i dedicate this post of mine to the loving and true people that i have met. you will always be held high in at leats this pair of eyes buddies.......wahtever you earn ..whatever i earn.
