aftermath of THE afternoon

certainly, i said to my within, this is not the life i want to live.

it was five o clock in the evening, naree called me up for a tea at cheddis. and as i have almost made it a rule, i accompanied him there.
inside of me, i was in a confused state, i was torn.

the afternoon i had was very harsh on me, for after a long long time i was treated the way i was treated that day. i had compliants. i had complaints against my carefree attitute towards life, why it made me skip my responsibilities. i had complaints against my artificiality, why i could not be more honest to myself, i had complaints against my batchmates also, very unjustified though, why they did the work (:P) well and in time; i had complaints against my professor, he could have been a bit more good in his attitute.

all these complains and my thoughts discussed a lot of things inside of me. i went to a state of relieving my past three years of stay at kgp, three years of stay in architecture. the years that i spent inevitably with thirteen souls( proxies included). where did i falter, where did i made wrong? questions , questions and still more questions.

it is surprising how a small adversary can tilt u upsie down, it was very evident that day that i was tilted upside down. i had become selfish, so much so that i startd blaming everyone else than me for the scene. but the truth finds it way. i was not following my heart, and one who does not follow his heart, fails.....somewhere, if not in grades...in results, if not in job...than satisfaction..., if not in fans...in friends.


i wondered which path i am following, is it the one which i set for myself. or is it just because i was aping someone. i got teh answers, and i discussed those questions and answers with many souls that night, souls....which i think understand me ...even if just a bit. for i know they at least would try and put them in my position and try to see. i spent almost three long hours wid immu and varun at cheddis, later with naree. that when i knew what friends can do to you. what can even one listening ear do to your agonies and pain.i am lucky at least to belive i have some such ears.

and thats just when i knew that life is not just about living. its not about fighting for everything till your last drop of blood, its not just about competition, its something beyond this.....and i am told this by people around me. as i was told to be artificial by people around me......the moral of the story is....i get inspired very easily. shall i be strong? shall i be more hard faced? shall i be a total ` change me however you want to` ;

i have had that time enough, and somehow as varun said that day` ki yaar jindagi asii hi hai , everyone has to be professional` i agree. but then i have a dim hope and maybe dim whim that not everyone is alike. not everyone is as selfish as i am, and i dedicate this post of mine to the loving and true people that i have met. you will always be held high in at leats this pair of eyes buddies.......wahtever you earn ..whatever i earn.

C- 106

c-106

This is the title of this post. and this is much more than thatm for c-106 is something that i have been living in for last alost 4 years. today, while reading sachin`s blog bout his room, i sudenly realised how i have been ignoring this secret friend of mine.

i moved in c-106 by luck, or badluck as it may sound, was destined to land in c-107, which devoid a fan , forced me to abode its neighbour. it was my second year, and today am in my forth year. i have not changed the room, and the room has not changed me either. there is this certain understading between me and my room, it knows all my secrets, has been my sole companion with my days of finding myself, in some context.

there is one very special relationship that i share with this place, and this is something wwhich is not for just me and the room, but for me , my room and her.for our story started from here, this is teh place which she holds for all her luck and fortune( which i fail to accept) this is one room she wants to get booked...mad that she is, she does not know the system, and how wd she?

but to be honest, i have been ignoring my room for some time now, there were timees wen i used to decorate the walls with the futile ilu greetings that i got in my futile love stories, the pics of lasses, the black and maroon chartpaper collages ( stolen from the departmet) . i do not do any of these stuffs now, once in a while i pick a broom and fight at giving it a clean shave :P and that always amounts to sending the dirt and mess inside the clean exteriors.

abhi my room is in a good shape, whihc clean floor , no cobwebs, functionaing fan and tubelight, just about working pc ...a chair which gets ppl on there asses if tilted a bit, and above all....me.i love it.

she

lissome she stands,
as she always have been.
beautiful,lovely,serene.
rises on the senses .
i want to clasp her magic.
i want to hold her charm,
cant be, am told.
for she is all that and more,
for she is love and much more,
much more than i could know,
much more than i would know,
and she smiles, as she always did,
to take all the pain away,
to bring everything back,
if any lost ..to me.

one year

life turns a page,
a year passes us.
holding hands, deeping eyes,
we wish and we love.
you smile, and so does life.
you whisper,music in my ears.
the time stills,and watches us.
we stop and we see.
the beauty that has been,
the purity which is within.
each day shall pass wid its speed,
and so shall others too.
one year is just a second,
life is too short to love you.

good people , bad people

..... its not about anyone in particular...just a thought on to what according to me is good....or bad.


its been years. i used to be a kid.
and someone...from my family , from the neighbourhood would always try to tell me...what is good and what is bad.

the kid in me, always wondered, for he did not suppose withe everything that was told to him.there was this particular rebellion inside me to accept things as they are told.

time grew and i matured into a rather kahdus individual...one of those who belive life is to be dictated by your own terms and to hell with the systems lamented n us.

many encounters that i had with people led me to belive that its not about good or bad, its about how you percieve it. its not as absolute as it is made to.

for , i drink...or smoke...can be bad, utterly...for some.
for another it can be perfectly alright.
for others still, it may be of no care at all.

so where to draw the line...if at all to.

in my 22 years...have really saw good people, people who are simple, true and who do not conspire. people who make u genuinely happy, genuinely taken care of, it may not be to their least interests but they will comfort you.

thats what according to me is being good, thats what is goodness, that is why i will always seek your company, always look up to you. to me, why should your bein indulged in any of those so called bad habits, or in a wider perspective,,,,bad things matter at all.


the ones who are good cant hide it and the ones who are bad cant do any good to themselves